A few years ago, I sat under the blazing Florida sun, delicately dancing around the trip wires laced across our complicated lives. I had one 24-hour window where I knew I was guaranteed his sobriety in the wake of another hospital stay, where I knew I had no guarantee he would survive the next fit … Continue reading The Alternative.

Writing every day has been good. There’s a lot that I couldn't post because it was just too dark; it was true, and I hope it will serve those who are going through that awful maze themselves someday, but it's probably better off written as a book instead. I think my grasping at remembering everything, … Continue reading Copacetic.

I’m doing something normal today. I’m going to buy two tickets to the new Star Wars so I can see it with my hubby next month. I’m also hanging up four pictures in what I call the “fern room” (it’s just my living room, but in my mind, it's Longwood Gardens), and I’m going to … Continue reading Normal.

I woke up and it was light. Friday was a dark, underwater day, but I was forced to rejoin the human race at Trader Joe’s, where a dear friend who happens to work there refused to leave my side, and helped me fill my cart with carbs and ready-made comfort food, while opening my favorite … Continue reading Light.

You know, the day after the funeral is nothing like the day after putting on a conference. When I worked for the church and the conference was over, I knew I still had Christmas service to plan and Easter service to work out and the marriage conference for next year to worry about, and Sunday … Continue reading High Contrast

It feels so inappropriate that the world just keeps turning. Surely an hour must have more time in it than this. Ridiculous, right? This is where grief feels so self-indulgent. Because of course it must. I have a loving husband, and children, two beautiful children, alive with need, and joy, and exuberance just soaking up … Continue reading He does this on purpose.

A few people have asked if I would post this; thank you genuinely for caring. Here are my departing words for my father, Joseph Charles Landolt (10/11/50 - 11/7/19). Hi everyone. Thank you for coming and supporting me and my family, and honoring my father’s life.  I wanted to share some of our favorite things … Continue reading Eulogy for my father.

From my readings this morning: "They forgot what He had done, the wondrous works He had shown them. He worked wonders in the sight of their fathers. ...He split rocks in the wilderness and gave them drink as abundant as the depths. But they continued to sin against Him, rebelling in the desert against the … Continue reading Mercy.

Once upon a time, I had a change to make. I was doing one thing, and I felt in my belly that it was time to do another thing, and in a move that surprised precisely no one except myself, I didn't do it. I like to fancy that I'm quick to obey. Key word: … Continue reading The Fallow Year.